


we may need a miracle

by bettercrazythanboring



Category: Morning Glories
Genre: Love Letters, M/M, Young Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-28
Updated: 2014-03-28
Packaged: 2018-01-17 07:08:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,852
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1378399
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bettercrazythanboring/pseuds/bettercrazythanboring
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>letters that we don't send say the things we mean most; they remain inside us, haunting, holding</p>
            </blockquote>





	we may need a miracle

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so there were these embarrassing 16 months of my life where I thought that the "2359" in "2359, the fourth of May." in issue #9 referred to year as opposed to time of day of the Fukayamas' birth. It was confusing and contradictory and I couldn't understand why nobody else was talking about it, but since this fic was written during that time and we still don't have a canon year that this comic takes place in (other than after the end of Lost, which happened in late May 2010, so 2011 at the earliest), and also because I'm lazy, I'm just gonna disclaim that I have learned The Obvious Truth and not change any of the dates in this fic.
> 
> They're twelve to fifteen years old here, basically.
> 
> Inspired by but sadly not written to [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zymudUlAmMY) song. (Which I personally think is a very Hisao/Guillaume song.) (Which I also took the title and summary from. I did not come up with those.)
> 
> All typos and (most) grammar mistakes are intentional.

_June 23, 2371_

Hello, Guillaume,

I did not know we could write letters to each other. I thought the day all of you left was goodbye for good and you were not allowed to bring any personal items—or memories—along. But I saw Miss Richmond writing a letter to Vanessa yesterday, and Abraham said I could write to you too.

I have never written many letters before; forgive me if I break the rules or don't make sense. My fingers seem to have gotten a mind of their own since I found out I could ask you the question that has been plaguing my mind ever since you left.  _Why?_  Why did you kiss me? I replay the moment over and over in my head, and there were so many things I wanted to tell you that day, but I did not know how. You spared me the regrets of having said the wrong thing or not having said anything at all when I saw you running over, but then I forgot everything that had been on the tip of my tongue when you arrived.

I keep replaying it over and over, but everything stops and goes blank when you are near me. I do not understand what happened, or why you did it. Please tell me your side, Guillaume.

I hope this reaches you in good health, and I wish you well. Though I know it is not time to worry about you yet, I cannot quell the unease in my heart at the thought I might never see you again. .. You, all my brothers and sisters.

~~With hope,~~

~~Fukayama Hisao.~~

Abraham just said you might not be able to reply. This saddens me. I was very much hoping we could discuss what happened. Still, I will send it in the belief you will at least see it. And know you have not been forgotten.

Your friend,

Hisao Fukayama.

RETURNED TO SENDER

* * *

 

_August 13, 2371_

Guillaume?

I received my letter back last week; it looks unopened. I do not know if I should resend and pray, or hope this one fares better. But you are on my mind, more than ever before. Is that not strange? We were friends, brothers in arms, roommates, sparring partners for a year and a half, and I think about you more now that you are gone than I did when I saw you thirty times a day.

Little moments spring back into my memory when I lie awake at night. I do not know if I see them clearer now, or if I am painting them over with the knowledge I have gained, but they seem so different now. Those knife handles we carved on our expedition—I cut my fingers trying to impress you with mine, from the moment they paired us up and said we'd have to trade once we were done. I thought I just wanted to prove to you that I belonged here, that I was good enough, but now I wonder if it had less to do with the camp and more with you.

I remember waking up that night to see you working on yours in the scarce light of the stars. I thought I was dreaming at the time, but I am looking at the knife you gave me now, and there is too much skill here, too much care for it to have been a dream.

Or the week after that, when we stayed up past bedtime, lost in conversation about faith and purpose, and Ian had to keep shushing us. Or that

the gummy bears I used to find on my nightstand every morning stopped the day you left.

When one of us started a fight or you picked on me for no reason, it was easy to forget the times I caught you looking at me in a way I didn't understand. The times I caught my own eyes drifting toward you. I still do not quite understand what happened, or why my heart speeds up every time I think about you, but I wish you were here.

Wishing you the best,

Hisao.

RETURNED TO SENDER

* * *

 

_December 15, 2371_

I am beginning to think it was all a dream. The kiss, the looks, what you whispered to me just before pushing me to the ground, the last glance you shot me—all of it. Perhaps you are a dream as well. All I am certain of is that I want to talk to you, right now. I want to hold you in my arms, to feel you in my hands and know, without a doubt, that you are okay. I want to return that whisper.

I want to try kissing you again, without shock or confusion. I wish to know what that would be like.

.

I miss you.

~~With lov~~

~~Dear Guill~~

~~sorry~~

~~Hope to hear from y----------------~~

~~\------------------~~

~~\-------------------------------~~

FOUND IN TRASH

* * *

 

_May 4, 2372_

 

Happy birthday, Guillaume,

~~We are teenagers now. Walid talks about TV shows he used to watch, where boys become men at this age and start taking destinies in their own hands. That this is a time for experiments and risks without regrets, and to make lifelong friends. None of that applies to us. Our destinies were forged before we were alive and our experiments could result in worldwide catastrophe.~~

I made you something. A gift. I can't tell you what it is, but my every thought while making it was of you. Sometimes I listen to world news and every time a plane crashes or an earthquake hits, I can't get you out of my head. I hate Abraham for not even telling us what continents all of you went to. I know it is not time to worry yet, but I cannot stop. I want you to be okay.

I want all of you to be okay when you're together again. But there is no need to worry about Irina. And I think if I did not feel this way, that I would say the same about you; you are nearly as tough as she is, Guillaume. But I worry about you, most of all. And the journey you will go on a year from now.

Still missing you,

Hisao.

RETURNED TO SENDER

* * *

 

_May 3, 2373_

Hey, Hisao,

I really really hope you get this. I only have a few minutes to scribble all this out, but an airport postcard station is just about the only place I could think to risk contacting you without putting you or myself in danger. Sorry about the crappy paper. and no commas

I'm on my way to MGA. ~~Can you believe I got accepted?~~ But I didn't want to go without trying to— Wow this is exactly how it went the last time isn't it? A forever of nothing betwen us and suddenly when I'm leaving I dump this big confession on you. Guess I'm not goood with these things. I just. We left things off in a confusing way which is ofcourse my fault but.., clearing up - i've had the biggest fcking crush on you from the first day we met and I probably could'vi shown it beter but it is what it is. Bot I have no regrets about kissing yu that day, ~~ecx~~ except that i didn't do it sooner.

I've thought about you most days since thn and I'm pretty sure i'm in love with you (or who you were anyway. damn i wanna know you now). Idk what your deal is (feelings-wise), but I got what i think is your crest from Abraham on some spam mail, and I hope that means you've been tryin to get intouch with me. Maybe we'll find our way back toeach other some day. But I will see you again, i know it.

I'm a little scared of what'll happen before then, th

shit i'm outta time

miss you bye

DELIVERED

* * *

 

_September 10, 2373_

GUILLAUME

THE CAMP WAS FOUND. ABRAHAM IS TAKEN. MANY DEAD. CHILDREN ENROLLED.

SAVE HIM. SAVE THEM. I AM ALIVE.

DISAPPEARING. WILL FIND A WAY TO HELP. DO NOT WORRY. BE FINE.

JUN FUKAYAMA

[TUCKED INTO SOME GUARD'S BOOT]

* * *

 

_October 25, 2373_

Dearest Guillaume,

 

 

 

 

 

I love you.

 

 

 

Your Hisao.

UNSEALED, UNSTAMPED, UNDELIVERED

* * *

 

_February 14, 2374_

Dear Guillaume,

I do not know why I am writing this. I have no intention of sending it. In fact, I will burn it as soon as I am done. But I suppose I have gotten to the feel of paper under my fingers when I feel lost. It has become a habit. So many letters started and not finished, so many I wrote out in my thoughts, but never on paper…

I walked past an extended family of… sixteen, seventeen, perhaps, today. I have never had much of one, but my family has always been a treasure to me. I am used to this emptiness by now, but there is something about this day… My mother is gone, my father is gone, my brother is gone. Abraham is gone, our teachers gone, my brothers and sisters, gone, you… gone. I have hope to be reunited with some, but others are lost forever. I have no one here, no one anymore. Only these letters and strangers on the street.

Perhaps this is how I am meant to be. Alone, but determined. Perhaps human connections detract from the mission.

But I am not built that way, Guillaume. Connections are why we do this, is it not? I swear, I will find my way to my brother, to Abraham, to my father, if need be. To you. I will find a way to save everyone, even if I have to be completely alone until then. I have hope.

Always hope.

BURNED

* * *

 

_November 11, 2374_

Dear Guillaume,

I hope you are well, though I know you are not. And I am sorry for all the pain you have left for our sake. We were taught much about sacrifice—its virtues, the glory that comes from it—but when I think of you trapped in that place, I see no virtue. No glory. It only makes me want to give up. And maybe I have.

I made a deal with your captors, one that means I will join you there soon. I do not know if I did the right thing. But I do know what I feel in my heart when I imagine seeing you again. I have many reasons for doing this—my brother, Abraham and his children… To save them is a sacrifice I am prepared to make. But you—to be with you again—that is not sacrifice. That, I do for myself.

I hope when we meet again, you will remember your first love. I hope we can find happiness in all this suffering, and when we do, take hold of it—and never let go. I will never let you go.

Yours always,

with love,

Hisao.

GIVEN TO HODGE. DELIVERED.

* * *

 

_May 2nd, 2375_

My beloved Guillaume,

~~I w~~

See you soon.

NEATLY FOLDED AND PUT INTO BREAST POCKET, RIGHT OVER HEART

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah, I don't know what happened with this either.


End file.
